By Suelika N. Creque & Cherisse-Sutton-Jeffers
SKNVibes.com
Some men have convinced themselves that cheating on their partner will help their relationship
BASSETERRE, St. Kitts - AS stated in the previous article, Personal Empowerment, Relationships and Diversity Consultant Elaine Sihera said there were mainly three reasons why men cheat - low self esteem, unhappiness at home, and non-commitment.
In conclusion of the second reason why men cheat, which speaks to those who are unhappy, married or are in long-term relationships, communication is key. However, many men do not speak to their spouses about the things that affect them in the relationship, instead, in order to achieve the satisfaction they crave and that is missing within the home, they seek fulfillment elsewhere.
Sihera said that women sometimes fear the answers and do not seek to find out what men truly want from them.
“So after the honeymoon period is over, when their heart-felt desires haven’t been fulfilled, spouses soon seek it elsewhere,” she stated. “In the meantime, the women who are affected turn on the men and blame them for their ‘bad’ behaviour instead of looking into themselves to see where they have missed a connection.”
Sweet S, a Financial Officer, believes that sometimes women drive their men to cheat.
“That’s my opinion. I mean we don’t force them or put a knife to their head and say cheat, but some women, because of insecurity from past relationships or their own conscience, accuse the men of things they don’t do,” she said. “This will develop into arguments and fights and have them can’t stand being around each other because all they do is fight. It pushes the man to go out and do it because she is already thinking it anyway. But there is more than one reason why men cheat, but I think that’s one of the reasons.”
Deon, a 22-year-old native of Tortola, also shares the sentiments of Sweet S. Deon said he has thought of cheating because his girlfriend keeps asking him why he does not cheat. “As if it is something I am suppose to do, but I don’t cheat, and I am sick of her asking me that because I don’t see the point,” he said.
“But men cheat for different reasons,” he continued. “Like if he can’t have sexual intercourse with the one he’s committed to, maybe because she is a Christian or because of her parent’s rules. So if the other girl gives him what he wants, then he’ll take it, or if he doesn’t like the girl but only with her because of sex since she had a nice body, he wouldn’t treat her as his woman; so he would cheat on her.”
That brings us to Sihera’s next reason why men cheat – those who fear commitment and are seeking fun.
Some men enjoy having the milk for free rather than buying the cow. Therefore, when the woman puts her ‘foot down’ and demands a commitment from the man, instead of communicating and voicing his opinion as to why he cannot be committed, he gives the impression that he is committed but continues with his philandering behaviour.
“They want a secure home with all the trimmings; one they can return to at the end of the day,” said Sihera. “But they do not like to perceive themselves as married or long term partners stuck to one person.”
There are also those men in the entertainment industry who meet all types of women on a daily basis.
“Well, as a musical professional, it’s so hard to stay inna committed relation not blaming she or her hot gyal crew that stay wining in front of the DJ booth tipsy, just waiting for me to say something,” said Jahprince of Sunsplash Media, who is based in Atlanta.
“Usually, 80 percent of the DJs are good, private and shy. They are all about their music and skill and the female around them, from start, is polishing her diamond as the years go by,” Jahprince said. “By the time he’s a star and she sees all the other Victoria Secret-showing-fans in his eye-sight, she starts giving off a different vibe. So overall, poor, unauthentic relations is the first step he takes while handling friends compared to fans is always an issue.
“I have many fans and very little friends. I think it’s the 10-20 percent of great DJs/Selectors who are straight dawgs and give the rest of us a bad name,” he said. “But hell, we want to get all the glory and guts (yes pun intended) as they do. So sometimes we work overtime by playing by a function real late and it’s nuttin but big ole tuff gyal left at the end of night. So we love the attention! Hell, surprised that we even get noticed for all the bad behaviour and comments we make through the night, but he takes a chance and all you can do is fail.”
Men also believe that women outnumber them in the world and that therefore means they should have more than one partner.
“Men cheat because they can. Women outnumber us in the world which allows us to have our cake how we like and eat when we want,” said 30-year-old Alex based in Miami. “It’s up to an individual man to not cheat but to speak on a whole, in generalities we simply do it cuz we can. Like a lion, it’s in our nature as teens to have as many conquests as possible. The habit is hard to remove itself! As an adult and with so many single women, it is very easy to find quite a few that will settle to be on the side. As a matter of fact, since we are the majority it is only a matter of numbers that prove…no matter what, there will have to be women without a bonafide man. And add the incarcerated and homosexuals to that equation and the number of available men drop drastically. So women turn to women, or happy with getting what they can from a man.”
It also comes down to the women as well; they are the ones responsible for being in a relationship with a man who is unfaithful.
They accept the philanderer and his ways, fearing the consequences if they should voice their opinion on the situation or even make a stand to leave him.
Women in these situations usually believe that they love the men who perpetrate such gross disrespect to them, and that they are loved in return.
But as Sihera says, “Love does not seek to hurt but appreciates. It is unconditional and at its heart has respect for the individual. Where there is no respect for a person and their feelings, there is no love.”
If a man loves a woman he wouldn’t cheat because all he will be doing is committing relentless emotional abuse, damaging the woman over and over. It’s up to you ladies…you are stronger than what you really think!
As requested, “Why Women Cheat?” will soon be addressed!
All i can say is infidelity is inevitable... this is a trait present in both men and women... we are equally to blame... its just for either parties to decide whether or not they will put up or get out... that simple... i however think men are more likely to cheat first, they tend to yeild to temptation more easily than women... which is probably inherent... men are free spirits... women are serious and family oriented well majority of us are...
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All i can say is infidelity is inevitable... this is a trait present in both men and women... we are equally to blame... its just for either parties to decide whether or not they will put up or get out... that simple... i however think men are more likely to cheat first, they tend to yeild to temptation more easily than women... which is probably inherent... men are free spirits... women are serious and family oriented well majority of us are...
(17-Jun-08 01:45 PM)