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Posted: Monday 27 October, 2014 at 8:38 AM

Navigating Island Parenting Kindness and Understanding

By: Mutryce A. Williams, Commentary

    Navigating “Island” Parenting is a submission of insights, quotes, tips and parenting advice that I have gathered over the years as a source of inspiration and as tools to deal with the daily challenges of parenting. This week’s issue: “Kindness and Understanding.”

     

    The one thing I have learned about parenting is that it is not an easy journey. It is not. I have also realized and I cannot say this enough that each parent who truly cares for his or her child is doing his or her utmost best. I have realized that each parent needs support. I have realized that each parent needs a pat on the back, to be affirmed, because there is really no book or formula that is full proof when it comes to parenting. What breaks my heart or should I say what gravely concerns me is the lack of compassion or care I see meted out to parents within our society. It is endemic. 
     
    I would have loved to follow up my most recent column with ways in which parents can improve the parent teacher relationship and I will, but I feel compelled to once again address the lack of sensitivity that is shown to parents, by other parents and by society. 
    A few days ago I entered a shoe store and there was a young mother struggling to try on a pair of shoes, baby in hand, and three children darting around the store. An older lady didn’t hesitate to comment, “You see, this is what happens when these young girls have children one behind the other, look how she have the children running up and down the store. They are out of control” She looked in my direction as if waiting for me to join in or give approval to her comment. I didn’t. She turned to another lady and continued, “When I had my children, all I had to do was just watch them and they behaved. They couldn’t be going on like this. These children need to be tied. They don’t have any behaviour.” The lady joined in and they didn’t let up. 
     
    The young lady was visibly uncomfortable. She grew frustrated, put the shoes down, the baby in the stroller and set out to “retrieve” what the other lady had described as her “wayward” children. 
     
    A mother of two rambunctious boys myself, I understood, I have had an episode or two myself. I asked the mother’s permission, and then retreated to a corner of the store with the children and read them a story while their mother tried on her shoes. Needless to say the young mother was most grateful. The ladies looked on in astonishment. One asked, “Miss why you helping her? Is you send her to get them? Nobody send her to get them. They does know they can’t look after the children and still do go and get them!” 
     
    At this point, I really couldn’t hold my tongue any longer. I asked, “Do you know this young lady? Do you know her circumstances? Why do you feel compelled to bash her? What purpose will it serve? Don’t you think offering a hand in assistance would have served her better? Isn’t it evident by looking at these beautiful, clean, healthy, and happy children that this is a mother who is taking care of her responsibilities, that she is in fact doing her best?” The ladies went mum. 
     
    I have been witness  to so many incidents such as this, and I always wonder why other parents and members of society think that the “right” or “correct” thing to do is to comment instead of offering a hand of help, because it is evident that what the parent needs is help not chastising. How are you helping the situation by chastising the parent? Don’t you think that he or she feels bad enough about the situation? Why is it your place to comment, especially if you are not offering a hand of help? Who made you the parenting police? What is your parenting record of score sheet? Have you been the “perfect” parent?
     
    Oftentimes, we do not know the parent’s circumstance or his/ her struggle. A kind word, a hand of assistance, and showing just an inkling of compassion can go a long, long way. I am certain that if that young woman had someone to leave her children with on that day, she would have done so. 
     
    Society does have a role in bringing up our children, but I will always adhere to the premise that this role has to be a positive one. You do not help parents by beating them down, but by lifting them up. The next time you see a parent struggling please offer to help. Offer a kind word or a reassuring smile. I can assure you that this will make the world of difference. We are all on this journey and those of us who care about our children are really trying our utmost best so please, please be kind and be understanding.  

    Pass It On by Henry Burton
    Have you had a kindness shown?
    Pass it on;
    'Twas not given for thee alone,
    Pass it on;
    Let it travel down the years,
    Let it wipe another's tears,
    'Til in Heaven the deed appears -
    Pass it on.
     
    Kindness -19th century rhyme used in primary schools
    Kind hearts are the gardens,
    Kind thoughts are the roots,
    Kind words are the blossoms,
    Kind deeds are the fruits.

    Quotes on Kindness
    “Never look down on anybody unless you're helping him up.” Jesse Jackson
    “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle.” Plato
    “Three things in human life are important: the first is to be kind; the second is to be kind; and the third is to be kind.” Henry James
    “How would your life be different if…You stopped making negative judgmental assumptions about people you encounter? Let today be the day…You look for the good in everyone you meet and respect their journey.” Steve Maraboli, Life, the Truth, and Being Free
    “Be kind whenever possible. It’s always possible.” Dalai Lama
    “Tenderness and kindness are not signs of weakness and despair, but manifestations of strength and resolution.” Khalil Gibran
    “Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.” Leo Buscaglia

    Recommended Reading for Children – Books on Kindness
    The Lion and the Mouse by Jerry Pinkney
    Each Kindness by Jaqueline Woodson illustrated by E B Lewis
    How Kind by Mary Murphy
     
     
     
     
     


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