“Every child is thus affected thus the first time he is treated unfairly. All he thinks he has a right to when he comes to you to be yours is fairness. After you have been unfair to him he will love you again, but will never afterwards be quite the same boy.”
J.M. Barrie, Peter Pan.
Navigating "Island" Parenting is a submission of quotes, tips and parenting advice that I have gathered over the years as a source of inspiration and as tools to deal with the daily challenges of parenting. This week’s issue focuses on the value of children. The hope is that this submission would cause you to reflect on your parenting skills and also make the journey of parenting a bit easier or brighter.
Children Are Created Whole
“We find these joys to be self-evident: That all children are created whole, endowed with innate intelligence, with dignity and wonder, worthy of respect. The embodiment of life, liberty and happiness, children are original blessings, here to learn their own song. Every girl and boy is entitled to love, to dream and belong to a loving village. And to pursue a life of purpose. We affirm our duty to nourish and nurture the young, to honour their caring ideals as the heart of being human. To recognize the early years as the foundation of life, and to cherish the contribution of young children to human evolution. We commit ourselves to peaceful ways and vow to keep from harm or neglect these, our most vulnerable citizens. As guardians of their prosperity we honour the bountiful Earth whose diversity sustains us. Thus we pledge our love for generations to come. ” Raffi Cavoukian
The Magic Formula for Dealing with Children
“Her magic formula for dealing with children is ignoring all faults and accenting tiny virtues. She says, "Instead of telling Tommy day in and day out that he is the naughtiest boy in the United States of America, which could very well be true, take an aspirin and comment on his neatly tied shoes. Almost anybody would rather be known for expert shoe-tying than for kicking the cat." She always tells whiners how charming they are--bullies how brave--bad sports how good--sneaks how honest!”
Betty MacDonald
The Way We View Our Children
It has been my observation that we treat our children as property rather than as little gifts bestowed upon us from the heavens; gifts that ought to be nurtured, cared for, and most importantly protected. In our culture rather than truly showing our children how blessed we are to have them in our lives, we shun them, actually a visual of kicking a dog away comes to mind, when this child tries to show affection or request it. We are taught that we ought not be overly affectionate, or “pet them up” this would spoil them. We are taught that we ought to treat them in a rather rough and gruff manner, only the biggest bad words or the harshest words will do and now that I think of it, what good would this really do? If we show affection the end result can only be the good. It can make the child feel loved, accepted, and wanted.
The respect, kindness and politeness that are bestowed upon friends, or even a stranger, do not apply when it comes to dealing with our children. The value that we put on our relationships with others somehow does not apply to our children; again this is just my observation. We are also taught that children are little brutes which need to be broken in, don’t spare the rod and spoil the child we say, so any form of punishment, not discipline is necessary and acceptable. This can be a back hand, frying pan across the face, tamarind whip, electrical wire, pot spoon, shoe across the room, or any object that catches our hands. We see nothing wrong with this, as it was done to us, or it was how we were parented so it must be good.
Let’s take some time to reflect on how we treat our children. Are they our gifts? Do we value them? Do we respect them as little people? Do they know that they are treasured and valued? Do we allow them to have their childhood?
There is a quote that the actor in the movie the Help recites to the young girl that she takes care of, and although it is just a few words of affirmation, I find it quite profound, so profound that I have decided to adapt it, and at least twice a day I have my sons recite it, with the hope that they get a sense of how precious they are as little persons. The words are, “I am smart. I am kind. I am special. I am important.” Positive words go a long way. They help our children in knowing how treasured or valued they really are; words builds their self-esteem, however in our culture we somehow view these things as preparing the child to be haughty or as we say in our vernacular to be “full of him or herself,” and this somehow viewed as a bad thing. I am still trying to understand this thought process. We need to use positive and reaffirming language to build up our children.
Children Deserve Respect
“Children, as persons, are entitled to the greatest respect. Children are given to us as free-flying souls, but then we clip their wings like we domesticate the wild mallard. Children should become the role-models for us, their parents, for they are coated with the spirit from which they came- out of the ether, clean, innocent, brimming with the delight of life, aware of the beauty of the simplest thing; a snail, a bud....”
Gerry Spence, Give Me Liberty: Freeing Ourselves in the Twenty-First Century
Quotes on Protecting Our Children
"...in serving the best interests of children, we serve the best interests of all humanity." Carol Bellamy
“When the lives and the rights of children are at stake, there must be no silent witnesses.” Carol Bellamy
Where, after all, do universal human rights begin? In small places, close to home - so close and so small that they cannot be seen on any maps of the world ... Such are the places where every man, woman and child seeks equal justice, equal opportunity, equal dignity without discrimination. Unless these rights have meaning there, they have little meaning anywhere. Eleanor Roosevelt
Children, after all, are not just adults-in-the-making. They are people whose current needs and rights and experiences must be taken seriously. Alfie Kohn
"Safety and security don't just happen, they are the result of collective consensus and public investment. We owe our children, the most vulnerable citizens in our society, a life free of violence and fear." Nelson Mandela
Children are the seed for peace or violence in the future, depending on how they are cared for and stimulated. Thus, their family and community environment must be sown to grow a fairer and more fraternal world, a world to serve life and hope. Zilda Arns Neumann
"There is no trust more sacred than the one the world holds with children. There is no duty more important than ensuring that their rights are respected, that their welfare is protected, that their lives are free from fear and want and that they can grow up in peace." Kofi Annan
"Children do not constitute anyone's property: they are neither the property of their parents nor even of society. They belong only to their own future freedom." Mikhail Bakunin
The child must know that he is a miracle, that since the beginning of the world there hasn't been, and until the end of the world there will not be, another child like him. Pablo Casals
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