There are two known human sexes. There is the male and the female. We always hear that men are socialized to be one way and that women are socialized to be the next. We know that men are typecast to be the bread winners. They are supposed to be stoic, macho, strong or tough. Men are supposed to be leaders. They are supposed to roar and beat their chests. Men are supposed to be loud, run wild and have "plenty woman." Men are supposed to simply be MEN, whatever that means. Another self-evident truth that some of us proclaim to know about men is that 'ALL MAN BAD.' There is no if, but or maybe about that, as an aunt of mine like to say "all man spell alike...M.A.N."
Everywhere we turn we hear the same thing, "Man bad see," and yes we do hear it about women as well but I don't think that it is as frequent because more often times than none, we women claim to be the victims of men. This defense I say at times sometimes "put a spokes in we wheel" as we say. It dilutes our argument that women are just as smart as men. Because if we were just as smart then why are we always claiming to be the victims? Why do we consider ourselves to be the prey? I won't digress because that is a whole other discourse.
Contrary to what we would like to think men are human after all not the whole different specie, "the Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus" concept. As someone who believes in gender equity across the board, I think that we should look keenly into why some men behave the way in which they do. We should make a concerted effort to try and understand them. We should treat men with the same regard that we demand for ourselves. We say that men are always disrespecting us or "calling us down." I ask don't we do the same to them? As women we ask for and demand a lot of things from men but what are we giving them in return? These are just questions that I am asking. I am not claiming that men are the victims now, I am just saying that if we shout for equality, it should be equality across the board, just like we say that we don't want men to say that "All woman bad," We shouldn't say "All man Bad."
We shouldn't go around preaching that "All man just born bad...they aint got no good one out there and if he appears to be good... is only a matter of time before he show he true colours...he shady, something definitely wrong or you know what he aint a man...he soft... Man worthless... They are a pack of dogs... Man lie bad... They aint dey no way...They aint worth a thing... All they fit is a good hanging... He just like he father... They aint supporting they children. ...I going carry them cross the court...I aint expect a piece better from him...all man good for is for a lil sex now and again...lord, they aint got one good one in de bunch...Man like one cent, they can.t change.
" We even go as far as to say, "Me aint want no St. Kitts or Nevis man...a want a foreign man...he will know how to treat me." I ask, are all Kittitian and Nevisian men bad? Aren't there "bad men" in every country? I also ask, if this is the case, if all men are so bad then why are we still "lying down with them?"Why are we putting up or "hutting up we head" with them? Why are we quarrelling over them? Why are we still having their children? Why do we still want them? Why do we claim to still love them?
As women and this may be a bit much, we have the power to give life, so if men are such vile creatures of which we wish to rid the world, then why are we having them? There is a 50/50 chance that we may have a "man child" when we give birth. Why are we contributing to this epidemic? I also ask why we are raising these men to be bad. This is a question that I often ask and I am still quite perplexed by it. Our country has a majority of single headed female households. We boast that we raise our sons by ourselves without the help of any man.
I ask but if we raise them so well, why are they growing into "bad men?" Why are they growing into the same men who don't support their children, knowing fully well that they grew up without a father or child support and knowing fully well how their mothers struggled to put food on the table. Why are they growing into men who beat their girlfriends? Why are they growing into the same type of "worthless men" that we had and that we warn our very daughters from? Why are they growing into men who don't respect women? If we have so much knowledge and experience on what a bad man is then why aren't we raising our sons to be good men? These are just questions that I am asking and trust me I know that that there are some men who do not pull their weight but I ask why is this happening? What is wrong with this picture?
I recall Father's Day weekend and more than ever my ears were flaring with the amount of negative things I heard about men. I was actually disgusted by it. Listening in on one conversation where this woman was lamenting, I had to restrain myself from saying, "but Miss is you pick the man...given that he may be bad...you choose him...you kept him...you had child after child with him...if this man couldn't buy you a bar of soap to wash you daylight... why you think he would buy you pampers...you knew is so he was long time...and now you bawling blood...where is your role in all this...it took two hands to clap...and for this reason I say yes...the man should shoulder his responsibility...but when you going hold yourself accountable as well for the choice that you made..." As women some of us have to accept that we just had a lapse in judgment and made some bad decisions and chose the wrong men. It happens. We should not allow this to affect our relationship with our children or yet poison our children's minds by telling them that all men bad.
It would have been two years back, that I gave a talk at a Primary School and before I went there I had a talk with Mrs. Ingrid Charles-Gumbs and we were talking about the role that having a father or father figure played in one's life, and when I went to that school and I asked the question of how many of the children knew or had a relationship with their father, out of a class of twenty-six no more than two children raised their hands. I spoke to my mother a little later and I told her about it because I was in shock. I couldn't possibly conceive that, but after giving it some thought I put my hand over my mouth and said, "oh me arm...had I been in that class I would not have raised my hand...because I did not have a relationship with my biological father...I probably saw the man like three times if that much in my entire life... he used to send a little change now and again but that was it... I was one of those children."
Now I have heard many of my peers who grew up with similar circumstance say they hate men or that man not good and make generalizations based on one incident or the actions of one man. I am sorry I was not going to allow Mr. Charles' actions (biological father), make me cast a general net on all men...who knows the man probably had issues. The difference however with me and some of those children in that class was that I had a father who did such a superb job that I forgot all about my biological father and to this day I have friends who have no idea that Mr. Baker was not indeed as we say here my "real father" so for me to join the band wagon and say that every single man bad, would be abominable and a grave disrespect to the memory of a good man.
He was a perfect example of a man who took up the slack of another man and there are other men in our society like that but we don't hear about them. We don't want to acknowledge them. We prefer to dwell on the bad that some men are doing rather than highlight the good that some men in our society are doing and this upsets me. There is a new trend of men out there as well that we fail to acknowledge. There are young men who were raised without fathers and they have become fathers and they are doing a wonderful job at that. My friends Luis and Gary are classic examples of that. I say "kudos" to men like that.
I will never deny the fact that there are men in our community who don't support their children. I am not going to deny that there are men in our community who don't shirk all of the responsibilities of fatherhood. All I am saying is that this would not convince me that EVERY SINGLE MAN in St. Kitts or Nevis is bad or that they ALL are just plain old worthless bastards that would be very wrong and totally ungrateful of me. I know many good and responsible men. I know men who knows what it means to be a MAN...so contrary to what you may think is not all man that bad eh...
