She walked, head held high, tears streaming down her face, but somehow there appeared to be a grimace intended to be a smile. As if grenades were being pelted at her, the onslaught of words came, “I aint know wha she walking playing, bout she aint answering, she aint come from nowhere, she should be glad that I man want to talk to she…” A lady chimed in, thinking that she would come to the young lady’s defense, “Is wha that she aint answer you…I should have see that for me self let me give you a couple words to give she…she forget where she come from man…is by my door she mother used to come beg bread to feed she and she brother and sister them…is my children clothes them they used to wear…is pon lodging they used to sleep…she renk with she self…wha she walking playing…is forget she forget man…is a set of thiefing and drunking generation they be…the whole family…” As the girl walked, the lady was “foot and foot” behind her reminding her that her family didn’t have a “pot to piss in” nor “butter to darb the bread her mother had come beg.”
I intercepted the young lady’s path, and with outstretched arms and a smile I said, “Come here, come its okay, come!” She fell into my arms and began crying and again and again she asked, “Why is it that people don’t ever let you forget? Is not like I ever disrespect her or was ungrateful to her. I didn’t trouble her. She didn’t even hear the things the man was telling me, but she going say them things... I know wha she do for us…boy people just don’t ever let you forget.”
I suppose what this woman did not hear was the way in which this older man accosted this blossoming young flower, with the most profane filth rolling off of his tongue, and you know what I do not think that that would have mattered because this woman instead of asking for the chain of events, or defending a child that she knew, was so happy to jump in and “remind this young lady that she did not come from anywhere.”
I took the opportunity to sit and talk with this impressionable young lady and I told her, “It doesn’t matter where you come from or what people may say you think you playing, you had no control over your past circumstance. You get to determine who you are today, and who you will be. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.”
This incident set me thinking, and I asked the same question that this young lady asked, because I have witnessed similar incidents. A few weeks before this incident, I spoke with a gentleman and asked why he hasn’t been home in over twenty years and the response was, “because people don’t let you forget!” He said, “The last time I was home, a pardner of mine met me and say…boy is you that…you clean off man…you look like people in clothes…me arm peets you a wear shoes…boy watch here he a wear shoes…you come a long way man…overseas gree with you…the man a wear shoes…Johnny come here you aint see who this is…member when he father used to bang he mother…boy he used to bang you mother bad bad bad you know…but all you make it…see you come man till you a wear shoes…”
I don’t think that as a society we realize how caustic and hurtful these comments are, these things seem to be a regular part of our vernacular or way of life. We say them so casually and the thing is, that people are supposed to accept them because they know “I aint telling no lie, because they know they aint come from nowhere,” and also “is how me be…so they shouldn’t take it serious” and to some extent some of us think that we are extending a compliment when we say these things.
This term “aint come from nowhere,” chagrins me. And whenever I hear it I seek clarification, because I am like, “Where that come in really…what does that have to do with the price of cheese in London…why does this person’s behaviour bothers you…because you think that somebody aint come from what you consider nowhere they should not rise above their circumstance…they should not walk with their heads high…they should not regard themselves highly because they have nothing to be proud about…”
There are times when a child goes home to report a teacher and the parent, aunt or grandparent, instead of correcting the child, remarks, “when you go back school tell her go look for she crazy, drunking father who aint take her or let me tell you bout she generation cause I know them…she grandmother done… and she mother done…and she aunty them…is because Jane take pity on them, take her in that is how she come people…you small so you wouldn’t know but I going tell you…” This child then goes to school armed with what he or she considers ammunition designed to “take out” this teacher because those words are designed to hit this teacher right where it hurts, “belittle him or her…put him or her in his or her place.” I ask, why should one be blameworthy for the actions or sins of his or her relatives…why should this be an anchor, an anchor that society is so ready to remind him or her of…”
Another term we use is “poor breggin” meaning haughty or proud, and used especially when we think that somebody “aint come from nowhere and they carrying themselves well.” The first time I heard this term was in reference to a gentleman I knew while growing up. He was sharp, carried himself really well. He was always neat, pressed, well-dressed, well-mannered, and he spoke well. It was evident that he was really trying to elevate himself. He had a presence. He could easily be mistaken for a diplomat He always carried some sort of literature with him and was ready to share what he had learnt with you. I admired him for that…and one day while sitting on a heap of freshly pound stones, looking news, I heard a lady remark, “Me no like him at tall you know, he too poor breggin, I wouldn’t have mind if he had something, but he aint got nothing and he going on so, watch him no, he no come from no way!”
I can’t help but wonder where this all originated. It is simple to blame it on human nature or culture but there is something much deeper. What does it profit one to retort this? Why can’t the remark be more positive? “I am so glad to see how that boy or girl turn out!” (full stop) don’t add anything on. I don’t think that it is a matter that people don’t remember where they came from, are ashamed of where they came from, or as we like to say that they “playing more than what they aint be.” I think that they would just prefer not to be reminded each and everyday, especially if it is done in a rather rude or negative manner. Believe it or not, I really don’t think that it is anyone’s place to remind them or to “put them in their place.”
We ought to rethink a lot of these terms. We ought to also ask ourselves that is if we are guilty of using these terms, why we think it necessary to do so. What pay off do we get? What does it profit us? Why not encourage people along the way? Why not be happy that others are trying to elevate themselves? A man I really respect said, when I was really perplexed by this, “If we are happy about or we choose to encourage the elevation of others, that would mean they are either on the same level of us or they are on their way to surpassing us and we don’t want that now do we? Because if they are on the same level as us who would we have to look down on, and if they surpass us then we would have to look up to them and we don’t want that now do we? We don’t have the caste system in our society, but we might as well, because as a society we ensure that through our words, and through our reminding people that they don’t come from anywhere, that they stay where they are, that the remain stagnant and not try to aspire for greater things. THIS IS WHY PEOPLE NEVER LET YOU FORGET!”
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