Are you a compulsive shopper?
BASSETERRE, St. Kitts – Like an alcoholic craving a drink, there are persons who yearn for shopping, an overwhelming urge to splurge. This shopping need not always be in the form of clothes or shoes, but anything to relieve their stress, or give them the ‘high’ that they feel when money is spent.
Compulsive shopping is said to be like an itch that just has to be scratched and it is used to fill some kind of void, or to escape a situation or difficulty in a person’s life to the point where that behaviour controls the person rather than vice versa.
We all know someone who loves to shop, excessive shopping or ‘retail therapy’ as some call it, and while the behaviour in a mild form is a benign activity, obsessive or compulsive shopping can ruin lives.
We all shop for many reasons but a compulsive shopper buys to relieve anxiety and over time the buying creates a dysfunctional lifestyle and more and more of their focus is on shopping.
Ted Beck, President and CEO of the Colorado-based National Endowment for Financial Education (NEFE), describes compulsive shopping as “a preoccupation with shopping for unneeded items and the inability to resist purchasing such items.”
“Compulsive buying disorder is not unlike an alcohol, gambling or other addiction,” he says, “When shopping and spending spin out of control, relationships can be destroyed and financial well-being torpedoed. Often, the individual gets an emotional ‘high’ from spending, only to feel guilty and depressed afterwards.”
In the Eastern Caribbean Central Bank’s August issue of Your Financial News (YFN), a host of information on Compulsive Shopping was provided.
The issue featured a compulsive shopping checklist, some of the causes of compulsive shopping, as well as suggestions for change.
To determine if one is a shopper who simply enjoys the activity, or if they are addicted to spending in a way that may interfere with their life, the compulsive shopping checklist asks:
Do you “take off for the stores” when you have experienced a setback or a disappointment, or when you feel angry or scared?
Are your spending habits emotionally disturbing to you, and have they created chaos in your life?
• Do your shopping habits create conflicts between you and someone close to you such as a spouse, lover, parents, or children?
• Do you buy items with your credit cards that you would not buy if you had to pay cash?
• When you shop, do you feel a rush of excitement mixed with feelings of anxiety?
• Do you feel you are performing a dangerous, reckless or forbidden act when you shop?
• When you return home after shopping, do you feel guilty, ashamed, embarrassed or confused?
• Are many of your purchases seldom or never worn or used?
• Do you lie to your family or friends about what you buy and how much you spend? Would you feel “lost” without credit cards?
• Do you think about money excessively – how much you have, how much you owe, how much you wish you had – and then go out and shop again?
• Do you spend a lot of time juggling accounts and bills to accommodate your shopping debts?
Some of the causes that were highlighted in YFN were emotional deprivation in childhood; the inability to tolerate negative feelings, pain, loneliness, boredom, depression, fear, anger; the need to fill an inner void – empty and longing inside.
Other causes identified were excitement seeking; approval seeking; perfectionism; genuinely impulsive and compulsive; and the need to gain control.
According to the Illinois Institute for Addiction Recovery, “the consequences of compulsive shopping are far-reaching and could outlast the trendy pair of shoes or digital device you just purchased. These include massive credit-card debt, spoiled relationships, work problems and depression and anxiety.”
Some of the suggestions given to help one shift from a life a compulsive shopping were to avoid people or places which tempt you to shop or spend. Be aware of events that trigger urges to shop.
Make lists before going to the store; buy what you need only. Ask yourself: Do I need this or do I just want it? Needs are basic to survival—e.g., food, shelter and clothing—while wants are optional.
For example, do you actually need five pairs of black shoes or just want them? Try to put your emphasis on real needs rather than temporary wants. A monthly spending and savings plan can help you stay focused on appropriate spending.
Develop better ways to manage difficult emotions. Think about how you have misspent money up until now and some of the emotional reasons why you might have developed this unhealthy behaviour. Next, imagine the financial shape you’ll be in 10 years from now if you continue doing the same things. Use that mental picture as motivation to take action.
Develop fun things to do to fill in your time better. When the buying compulsion hits, experiment with healthier alternatives. For example, declare a “mall-free” weekend and plan a hike with the family instead. Go for a bike ride, dig in the garden, visit the library, volunteer at a community centre … you decide what works best for you.
If needs be, seek out specialised counselling, medication, support groups, read books about compulsive shopping/spending.
Changing behaviour is never easy. Pulling away from a life of compulsive shopping is not something that can be done over night. Like any other addiction, it takes time, support, and a willingness to change.
Beck says, “Everyone wants a rewarding, balanced life, the path to recovery from compulsive buying will help you find that balance.”
