I usually sleep when I travel. This time, in spite of my tired body, I was up during the whole flight. The clouds looked brighter than never, the sunrays were smiling at me. I was going home! What a long journey. I wanted to go straight to my Nevis, to be reunited with my children, but I needed to overnight in Panama. After more than a month with almost no internet connection, not knowing if my article about Ruby was ever received, what a joy when my dear husband, the sturdy oak of my life, shouted, “The article is online!” That great news started my own healing process. The airport in St. Marteen was more pleasant and I didn’t even feel the long hours of waiting because I was able to communicate with my family and friends. I am apologizing for not writing or replying. We simply have not internet access.
I am at home, with the reasons of my life, my children, enjoying every second. They are making me laugh all the time. My son learnt “trillions of jokes to make you laugh” from my dear Pastor. My daughter has a way to make me feel care for, just by looking at me and just like her father, she is always at my side. With those big eyes full of love, she promises she will take care of me like I did of her when she was hospitalized. They said they were scared I may die. Thank God I am here; they can see me, maybe a little bit different, with bandages, with my hair falling out, but alive!
I am still recovering from the surgeries. I have the side effects of my first Chemo. For an always-busy person, it is a shock and a challenge to slow down. This dreadful disease is obliging me to do so. My family, friends, patients who are seeing me so far are surprise to see me walking slowly when I am usually running. My daughter says the hard part is that we cannot hug each other tight when we go to sleep. The other night I told my little “wiggly worm”, my son, that I am sad I cannot make him sleep on top of me like I do since he was a baby, when he gets fussy and just moves and moves. He replied: “C’mon Mom, you cannot live in the past. I am a big boy now and you just had a surgery. You will find another way to make me sleep, ok? Just pat my shoulder and sing a song”.
This disease is real and we need to face it. I HAVE BREAST CANCER. How could it happen to me, a doctor who is always fighting against it, with a husband who is also a doctor? Did I ask for it? Do I want to pass through the entire burden, physically, emotionally, economically, especially with two little ones to take care of? I’ve always said: “There is not time to lose, no time to be sick.” But, cancer does not discriminate.
My children googled the causes of breast cancer, they sat me like a child and asked me why I need to have that, it I do not smoke or drink, I do not have anybody in my close family with breast cancer, I am not even 40 years old. Do I have an explanation? Praise the Lord for that tiny lump that warned me, no other symptoms. Praise the Lord for my husband who took it very seriously, the technicians who operate the ultrasound and mammogram, the radiologist who read it, my two dear colleagues who helped me to make a decision of what to do next and everybody after in my journey. More than ever I will say: “Cancer is a liar.” Most of the time, it does not give you any warnings or symptoms. WE NEED TO BE ALERT!
I am still on this journey; I still need more chemotherapies and radiotherapies. I feel extremely tired sometimes because of that, but my strong trust in God, the love of my husband, my children, my family and all of you, my Nevisian brothers and sisters keeps me in high spirits.
There is nothing like hearing and reading from loved ones when you are down.
I am overwhelmed and more than ever I will say “I am blessed to have what I have in my life, thank you dear Lord for so many things.” Like my daughter, “I am a proud NEVISIAN”. All of you are giving Ruby a reason to smile and I already feel much better. Rubylette Chapman, she may never understand how good her unique laughter was for my heart. She was there bearing her own pain, asking how I was feeling; telling me what to expect after my surgery and after my chemo. I was just another patient; we were trying to make jokes to encourage each other. We did a little bit for her while in Cuba, but unfortunately because of me, my family is going through unexpected high expenses. I asked the hospital to accept her for treatment, TRUSTING IN ALL OF YOU, dear brothers and sisters.
Somebody asked me, “What about you? Are you OK?” Angels are always looking after me. Pray for me, pray for all of us. We share the hope of being together soon and going on with our normal lives.
I missed a month of my children’s lives, but because of my Christian family, they still went to school neat and ready; some say even better than if I was here! They still performed at the different activities during this busy December month; they recited a poem at Nevis’ Schools in Concert. Even at their tender age, my heart feels happy to hear there were sending messages of love, because only love can move mountains. I am praying not to miss any more activity until they are ready to go to University!
Christmas is coming soon, what a special time to reflect about the real meaning of it, THE LOVE OF JESUS CHRIST for all of us. Let’s forget what make us different, what pulls us apart, let’s tell each other how much we mean to each other. Life is so short and unpredictable. We are not invincible. The body may be sick and weak but what make us strong are our trust and love for God and love for one another.
Dear brothers and sisters, thank you all for making me feel better! I know we will take care of Ruby. Thank you, my dear ladies of the NEVIS MATERNAL HEALTH FUND, PINK LILY, VOICES OF WOMEN; you girls have more power than you can imagine - the power of love. When I read about all contributions coming in, I closed my eyes and imagined Ruby´s hopeful face. I can believe in humanity once more. I dream of having my dear Sharon (she celebrates her birthday in Cuba, 2 days after a session of chemotherapy on the 28th of December), Cindy, Imelda, Ruby and other cancer survivors, at one of our beautiful beaches, having lunch and celebrating life.
I am pleading to anyone who has a copy of the video we made on cervical cancer to play it over and over. Information and awareness saves lives.
Take care of yourself, do yourself examinations, visit your doctor, be aware of the warnings of cancer, read, listen, do your pap smear, do your ultrasound, mammogram, share your experiences. Do not feel ashamed of having cancer, we are not alone; we have friends and family caring and praying for us.
I truly apologize for being unable to attend to my many patients for a while. Dr. John Essien will continue offering his expertise and ultrasound and mammogram services will continue at J&J Medical Services and you can call 6694483 or 6631527 for more information.
With my heart full of hope and love, I want to wish each of you a very happy holiday season. Count your blessings; enjoy this beautiful paradise we all share. I am home for now, still halfway through this journey, but very hopeful. Thank you for your love and prayers.
Dr. Jessica Bardales-Essien.
(Founder and member of THE NEVIS MATERNAL HEALTH FUND, Medical advisor and member of PINK LILY, member of VOICES OF WOMEN, a Christian mother, wife, daughter, sister and friend who happens to be a gynecologist.)
Please deposit your contributions to:
THE NEVIS MATERNAL HEALTH FUND. Bank of Nevis Account Number: 219903
Contributions can also be given to the following persons:
Tracy Frazer of The Nevis Maternal Health Fund at Nevis Tourism Authority:
6634846 or email nmfh@sisterisles.kn - Visit “Nevis Maternal Health Fund” on Facebook.
Tracy Parris of Pink Lily at A-1 Office Technology: 6643306
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