It took me until the grand old age of 29 to find true love. For me it was glorious, my heart raced continuously and I had that skin tingling, unadulterated joy of feeling in sync with another person, knowing that it was reciprocated.
This reality and the heady feeling of been in love made for hazy days, dreamy nights and living on cloud nine. I was in love and nothing was going to put a damper on my feelings, so I ignored all the warnings, and plunged straight in. A few years later and I was bought back to earth with a heavy bump, realising that love can be unequal, it’s a cruel master that takes no prisoners and when it doesn’t work it just doesn’t work. But I clung on desperately, rationalising that it was impossible, something this good, could be over. Persevering, hoping, and praying made little difference, it was over and I was broken-hearted, slinking off like a wounded animal to lick my wounds. I was positive that love would not come my way again, and my happily ever after would never happen.
Now I am older I realise that there are different kinds of love; that it was not wrong of me to love with such abandon and pour my heart into that relationship at 29. The heady days from then can never be bought back, but I have fond memories and a few battle scars as a reminder. I know my capacity for love is still there but now I am capable of a more mature, deeper, sensuous love and have the experience of my past to guide me. What my heart yearns for is a slow burning, meeting of the mind, body and soul kinda love. For me been in love, been loved, having someone to talk, quarrel, touch, smile at/with and sometimes just been quiet but comfortable, will be the end result to finding my imperfect, perfect partner.
This time around, falling in love will be different, but different is still good. I am mature, confident and aware that I deserve and shall demand the best that love has to offer. I am sensual, vibrant with a need for love that can at times be intense. To remain alone through choice would be unnatural for me. So now that I am ready to give and receive love, I will be proactive, but cautious. I know what I want/need and shall go fort and grab it with both hands.
I have great memories and few regrets. Maybe future generations will find the buried relics of my past any try to decipher what happen, but for now I will keep living and continue my pursuit to finding my perfect /imperfect love. I am seeking that individual that will awaken my senses again, so am looking forward to the unknown, the excitement of that wonderful journey that I am undertaking. There is mild trepidation, but I am taking tentative steps and embracing the exciting prospects that a new love/r yet undiscovered will add to my life. So with God as my guide I say,” Let the Journey Begins”.
I have travelled far but the hardest part of my journey shall be the next step
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