SEPTEMBER 10, 2014 - Soooooo….one day, I was at home, watching tv when I got a brilliant idea to write an article about the english language. Just as I was about to pick up my pen and right, my phone rang. It was my buddy Navilicious Braudus. He said “yow!! check the tv. The race is on”. I quickly changed the channel as Kim Collins was about to run. So I turned to my wife and said “I hope he does not loose this race. He keeps loosing to the bigger an faster runners”. She strupsed and said “well, let me know whenever your done watching your race. I want you to water the plants for me and clean the bathroom and wash the dishes and fix the leaking sink and take out the garbage. I have to go an loose out Z's hair”. After the race, instead of letting my wife no that the race was finished, I changed the channel to watch wrestling. What I should of done was to let her know the race was finished.
So she came inside and started telling me of. My responses fell on deaf airs. In fact, she said that she was not upset because I forgot too tell her. She said it was the principal behind my carelessness that upset her. Just then, the phone rang. It was the school principle on the other line but I was to tired and frustrated too take a tongue lashing from her to so I ignored the phone call. My wife said I should be more responsible then that. She said their are other women who would not of taken this much non sense from someone who there are with. In truth, there other women who probably would get upset at the same thing but they maybe slower to the tongue just for piece sake. I told her that a part from my aptitude towards watching TV, I always want her be apart of my entertainment.
Just then, Z came in and said “daddy, I am board”. So I said well hun, go and get some chalk so we can have some fun with you. She was like “huh?…chalk?” And I said “sure! why not?”. She roled her eyes at me and left the room. My wife (her name is Mercurial Smith) gave me the evil eye and said “your not getting nun tonight because off your been naughty”. Water started to come to my eyes instantly because I was looking forward to watching Sister Act 5 (yes, they made part 5 but it never got released because after parts 1, 2, 3, and 4, everyone pretty much knew that Sister Mary Clarence was not really a nun so the plot got old pretty quickly). I said to her “oh give me a brake. I maybe uneducated but I know how to find my own copy of movies with nuns in them that pretend to be who their not”. She said “MYK! Why you got to be so abstinent and ignorance? Why you have to be so darn stubborn? I am going too tell your mother about you”. I responded and said “you will not tell a sole. In fact, if you tell any sole, I will remove the soles from your sunday shoes. And that’s how the fight started.
I woke up with ahead ache. I felt like my ego had being fed to a pack of hungry loins. I wanted to illuminate all of this drama from my life as such fights we’re happening to often. She sometimes just seems too have a bad affect on me and that affects my ability to think clearly. Irregardless of the fact that I just read that the word “irregardless” actually does not exist, I will still use it because it makes sense to me. So Irregardless of the fact that I can be a doosh at times, and that at times I could careless about how I maybe coming of to Mercurial, I should of never aloud my emotions to get the better of me. I just could not beer to feel like she could make me feel like I am a little boy.
Every step I take, every breathe I take, every move I make, every single day, everytime I pray, I’ll be….whatever. It does not matter. I just could not look pass my passed having known that I could never have past any of her tests. I mean, in plane english, these stuffs just gets to me. In fact, everything is getting to me now. I am upset now because instead of writing my article about the english language, I of ended up taken up my time to right a journal entry about my frustrating night that started with a brilliant idea to write an article, titled “English is a funny language, but I’m not laughing”. Hmmmph!
Corner of wisdom
This article will probably be met with either of the following reactions/responses:
- Eyebrow raised; You’re wondering how on earth did such a random story that has absolutely nothing to do with the title, end up on SKNVIBES. In other words, you read it in its entirety and the only atrocity committed was the perceived randomness of the article, and nothing more!
- Entertained but mostly because of the few funny random moments in the story
- Hysterical laughter and feeling entertained, not only for the above reason, but also because you could read between, beneath, beside and above ALL the lines and appreciate the true satirical and educational nature of the article
- Eyebrows raised and arms flailing in the air saying “why on earth would SKNVIBES publish an article laden with such horrible grammar?”
- hhh! That guilty feeling. I need not spell out the reasons why!
In truth, we all make mistakes everyday, okay? The intention behind this article was solely to educate and expose some common (and EXTREMELY comfortable) errors we make often in our written prose. A lot of us do not take very kindly to being corrected for grammatical errors. But we should develop a more open and objective mind towards those who know better and are more experienced. You might have the attitude “I could say whatever I want” or “I could write whatever I want” but keep in mind that we all live in a society, as opposed to living in isolation, where you can thrive with that type of attitude. Keep an open spirit that is always looking to learn and grow. Try not to belittle others whenever you’re correcting them either. While it is fitting to say that not all of us were exposed to the same degree of education as others, at the end of the day, if you own a phone with a data plan, or if you have access to a computer with a connection to the internet, then you have no excuse for anyone to perceive you as being ignorant for the way you write. Hopefully this article will jumpstart something in some of you and perhaps I should put out the challenge to the school kids to re-write the same article without the egregious grammatical
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