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Posted: Sunday 7 February, 2016 at 9:30 PM

Men must love and respect women; but...

By: Stanford Conway, SKNVibes.com

    BASSETERRE, St. Kitts – FOR many centuries men have been treating women with disdain, and today the adage - “This is a man’s world” - no longer exists as women can be found in almost every profession once dominated by their male counterparts.

     

    In the past, a woman’s role was designed for and confined to the home. She was responsible for taking care of the children and all household chores. She was (and to some degree still is) what one can term the ‘Home Affairs Minister’, while her spouse was the ‘Minister of Finance’. But, like death, change is inevitable and she now has to assist the ‘Finance Minister’ in making life better for themselves and their children by being part of the labour force, due to rising cost of living and numerous other factors.

    Today in the Caribbean, including St. Kitts and Nevis, there are many single-parent homes headed by women. Most of them have never been Economics students, yet, as it was many eons ago, they have proven to be world-class economists, taking into consideration the excellent strategies they employed in managing their meagre earnings to sustain basic needs and some of their wants.

    These women ought to be highly commended.

    Achievements

    In the Caribbean, specifically CARICOM member states, we have seen the achievements of our womenfolk. They are numerous, but I shall only make reference to a few, especially in leadership roles.

    In politics, we had seen Dominica’s first, and to date only, female Prime Minister in the late Dame Eugenia Charles; Guyana’s first female Prime Minister and President, the late Janet Jagan; Jamaica’s first female Prime Minister Portia Simpson-Miller; and Trinidad and Tobago’s first female Prime Minister Kamla Persad-Bissessar.

    Mention must also be made of those female politicians in our own backyard in the likes of Constance Mitcham, the first female elected Parliamentarian and Government Minister; former elected Parliamentarian and Minister of Government Jacinth Henry-Martin; elected Parliamentarian and former Government Minister Marcella Liburd; Senator Wendy Phipps, Parliamentarian and Minister of Government; former Minister in the Nevis Island Administration Jean Nisbett-Harris; and Junior Minister in the Nevis Island Administration Hazel Brandy-Williams.

    Apart from politics, there are many other Caribbean women who had distinguished themselves as leaders. Among them are: the late Isabella Ribeiro De Cabral of Trinidad and Tobago, who was the first woman to fly a plane and obtain a pilot’s licence in the Caribbean; Baroness Patricia Scotland of Dominica, the first female Commonwealth Secretary-General; Camille Wardrop Alleyne, an Aerospace Engineer out of Trinidad and Tobago, who is the only woman of Caribbean descent in a senior management position at the National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA); Retired Guyana Defence Force Officer Windee Algernon, the first female to attain the rank of Colonel in the Caribbean; Josephine Mallalieu-Webbe, the first female Chief Magistrate in St. Kitts and Nevis; Paulina Hendrickson, the first female to be appointed Director of Public Prosecutions in St. Kitts and Nevis; Past Magistrate of St. Kitts and Nevis Claudette Jenkins; Sephlin Lawrence, Director of the Social Security Board; Cultural Heritage Preservationist Jacqueline Amory; and Merclyn Hughes, the first female to attain the rank of Superintendent in the Royal St. Christopher and Nevis Police Force.

    These are women who have made sacrifices to achieve set goals in their lives and they should be emulated by the younger generation in this twin-island Federation. However, their achievements were only highlighted to make reference to the subject of this article.

    Respect and Fashion Trends

    Respect is a formal expression or gesture to someone or something considered to have certain rights or privileges (Dictionary.com). And for the purposes of this article, respect is in perspective of our womenfolk in St. Kitts and Nevis. 

    As previously mentioned, for many centuries men have been treating women with disdain - a feeling of contempt for anything regarded as unworthy (Dictionary.com). I am totally against such treatment towards the fairer sex, but how many of them deserve better? Do they respect themselves? Do they portray personal or cultural values, codes of conduct or social mores that demand respect? I suppose not many of them, especially with the change in trends such as how we greet each other, how we dress; generally speaking, how we socialise. 

    In retrospect, I am certain that most male senior citizens and even those in their 50s can remember the excitement that was created when they would have seen a woman bedecked in a dress with a low-cut neckline that exposed her cleavage; or when they would have seen the inner part of a woman’s thighs when accidently or unintentionally exposed while wearing a hobble skirt or a full-skirt with a tight bodice. All of those dresses were below the knees. But change is inevitable and there was a revolution in fashion trends.

    We had seen the introduction of the mini-skirt and mini-dress that provided unimpeded views of women’s thighs – more than eight inches above the knees of a five-foot eight-inch tall female. There were, and still are, long dresses with slits from the bottom all the way up to the thighs, sometimes even further. These dresses were well-fitted on some women, especially the curvaceous ones, and they certainly created excitement in most men.

    Today, however, that excitement is slowly dying as many young women and even some in their 40s are regularly seen in jeans and very short shorts that expose the crack of their derrière; they wear dresses so short that they have to stoop and not bend down to retrieve fallen objects; they wear push-up braziers that barley cover the nipples of their breasts; they wear short dresses made from material that ride upwards when they walk and cause them to keep pulling down at regular intervals; they wear bandage dresses that barely cover their private parts; and they also don dresses made from sheer material, under which only underwear is worn.

    Can they be respected when dressed in that manner? Are they dressing in a manner that depicts self-respect?

    I can vividly remember an experience gained a few years ago while walking along Fort Street in Basseterre. Seated on a small bench was a vendor whose legs were positioned as east is to west, exposing her navy blue tights. Softly speaking, an elderly man rebuked her about what he termed indecent exposure. To the surprise of many within earshot, the vendor retorted: “If you see two tek one.” Because of her behaviour, she can be classified as one of those adults who cannot set good examples for the younger generation to emulate.   

    Respect and Dancing Trends

    Dancing also has trends! While Ballroom Dance, Waltz, Rumba, Tango, Twist, and Break-dancing were the popular trends in the not too distant past, we have witnessed a dramatic change in recent times with the introduction of Jamaican Dancehall music, most of which many people exhibit vulgarity in their dance moves.

    In the late 1980s and early 1990s, ‘Backball’ was the trend. I can remember when a group of men in their late 30s, of which I was a member, went to a public dance. A member of the group approached a woman who seemed not to be more than 25 years old. With his left hand behind his back and the right extended, he bowed slightly and said: “May I have the pleasure of this dance?” The young woman had a hearty laugh at the gesture, insinuating in her reaction that it was archaic, and she declined. The song being played was Shabba Ranks’ ‘Twice My Age’. And to the group’s surprise, a young man approached the woman and bellowed: “Come darling come flap yo wings”, and she immediately jumped to her feet and the two of them started dancing back-to-the-front. 

    A few days later while imbibing, we held a discussion on the incident and unanimously concluded that it denoted cultural diffusion and generation gap.

    The trends continued as the years swiftly rolled by; for in early 2006 another one out of Jamaica became popular. That was ‘Dutty Wine’, which gave birth to more feminine-oriented dances such as ‘Wipe Out’, ‘Hoola Hoop’, ‘Rom Ram’ and ‘Hot Wuk’. This was followed by ‘Daggering’, ‘Twerking’ and the most recent ‘Puppy Tail’.

    Generally speaking, change is inevitable and we must be prepared and not passively move along with it. But what about the changes in dance moves since popularised by Jamaica’s Dancehall artistes? 

    In a paper written by Annecka Marshall, “Reconsidering Dutty Wine: Mona Students’ Views on Black Female Sexuality in Jamaica”, Carolyn Cooper argues that dancehall culture subverts conventional, patriarchal, elitist and religious beliefs about female respectability. She also states that women reassert progressive erotic roles that reclaim power over their identities, bodies and sexual prowess, and that such emancipating sexual appeal satisfies both sensual desires and social aspirations.

    I totally disagree with Cooper, for while many young women who engage in these dance moves may view them from her perspective, many people claimed that the moves are sexually lewd, they simulate sexual intercourse and the accompanying outrageous lyrics ridicule, disrespect and hurt women. The lyrics also urge women to lack self-respect, belittle themselves and put a price on their bodies.

    Love and Respect 
     
    Almost all of the outrageous lyrics to the songs that ridicule and disrespect women were penned by men. 

    In early December at Guyana’s National Association of the Adventist Men’s Ministry 2015 Men’s Conference, President David Granger had called on the men of that country to respect women’s equality.

    “Christian men have to respect women as being equal in dignity. Christian men must get away from the notion that women must be submissive or subordinate…women must be respected, they must be loved, they must be revered.”

    President Granger posited that these virtues must be learnt in the homes and then practised in the wider society, adding that “sometimes, depending on our upbringing, we make decisions that are conditioned by non-rational motives…these choices have to be responsible Christian choices”.

    Indeed, we sometimes make decisions without initial thoughts of the consequences. Take, for example, the stabbing incident at the Frigate Bay Strip on December 5 last year which resulted in the death of a young man. It is said that if he had respect for the fairer sex he would have desisted from ‘wukking-up’ behind the young woman when she objected to his advances.

    Commenting on Dancehall-style moves, a young female said, “I am not against women performing those lewd dance moves. But if they should, it ought to be in jest at private parties such as family gatherings and not in public. When these dances are done at public parties, they convey a negative message about one’s character and many of the young women in the Federation are often seen dancing in that manner. It’s disgusting!”

    While I have taken the opportunity to remind my fellow men that they must love and respect women, I must concur with those who say “a good man is hard to find”. But there are many and a woman only has to seek and she will find. But in seeking that man she must hold herself in high esteem, set high standards and don’t make disrespectful choices, because good men not only admire progressive and intelligent women, they also love and respect women who love and respect themselves and show the same to others. 

    And to those men who are not classified as being good and treat women with disdain, remember from whence you came. Though one may argue from a biblical perspective that from one of Adam’s ribs came Eve, there are biological differences between thr two sexes. Women brought us into this world and men can only facilitate by planting the seed. But it is women who, after nine months, sometimes less, give birth to our offspring who cannot find many of us in times of need.

    I would like us men to sit in our quiet moments and revisit the past. Sit in our quiet moments and indulge in introspection. Ask ourselves without our mothers where we would have been today? Ask ourselves if we would like to see a man disrespecting our mothers, sisters or daughters? Ask ourselves if we can bear the sight of our mothers, sisters or daughters engaged in those lewd Dancehall moves in a public place of entertainment? And ask ourselves if we would tolerate men ‘wukking up’ behind our mothers, sisters or daughters even though they would have objected to the men’s advances? 

    I guess we all know the answer to these questions.    

    I am therefore calling on all men in this twin-island Federation, young and old, to love and respect women, but women must also respect themselves and endeavour to make those choices that will certainly engender respect from all and sundry throughout their sojourn in this world.








        
     

     






     
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