EVER SO OFTEN
By Mutryce A. Williams BBA CTM
EVER SO OFTEN it is a grand thing to kick back with a flute of sparkling apple cider, turn on some Luther Vandross and ask oneself a series of questions about life. If there isnt time for the cider, maybe for a minute or two one should close his or her eyes and transcend oneself to another realm. Ever so often, I close my eyes and go to one of my favourite hideaways, a place that no one else has never been, a place I go to be by myself. It is my Secret Garden. In my hideaway I am always barefooted, my hair is wild; my long flowing dress is always crumpled, clean but crumpled. I am totally undone. There are endless strawberries, chocolate chip cookies and rocky road ice cream. I have a big green pasture all to myself, there is a permanent smile on my face and burning warmth in my heart. There is a waterfall of course, birds chirping and just me, just me. I inhale and I exhale. There is no noise. There is no one else. It is sheer sweet solitude. There are no worries. It isnt a concrete jungle. There is no rush. This is the way life is supposed to be. I go there to be with myself. I owe it to myself. I go there to reflect, EVER SO OFTEN.
I go there and ask myself a series of questions, such as who am I really? What does it mean to really love oneself? Who do I want to be? Where am I going? Who or what do I value? What does it means to be human? How open should I be to change? Am I changing? Is this change growth or regression? Am I stagnant and if I am, then why? Should life be constant? Am I a good or just person? What does it mean to be good anyway? What role does religion play in my life? Whose rules should I live by? Am I civic minded? Am I honest? How many people have I hurt? Was it intentional? In the past 24 hours how many people have I complemented? How many people have I criticized? Was the criticism constructive? Am I a genuine person or is it a facade?
What can I do to uplift others? Am I selfish or selfless? Am I self righteous and pious? What is my purpose on earth? Is there actually some meaning to my life? Do I think that I am invincible? Do I know that I am only human, of flesh and blood are made? What good is reflection anyway? Am I compassionate? Do I forgive easily and if I dont how has holding on to that grudge benefited me? Am I judgmental and if so why? Am I tolerant? Do I complain too much? Do I worry too much? Do I argue too much or do I see it as standing up for myself? Am I a pessimist or an optimist?
How far ahead should I plan? What are my goals? What is wrong with changing my goals? Do I ask too many questions? Have I found my niche? Do the opinions of others really matter? Should I go about thinking that no one has the right to judge because no one is perfect and each of us has our own little demons to battle and a series of skeletons in our own little closets?
Do I live life to its fullest? Do I laugh enough? Do I laugh at myself? Which battles are worth fighting? Which friends are worth keeping? Do I take life seriously? Am I settling for being ordinary or should I strive to be extraordinary? What does family or friendship mean? How often do I smile? Do I shout enough? Do I sing and dance enough? Am I wasting my talents? What or who do I fear most? What are the things that I treasure most? Do I see life as a burden filled complicated journey or do I see it as a gift? Do I see it as a challenge? What role does happiness play in my life? What tools do I use to measure myself or my self worth?
Do I listen enough? What does time mean to me? How much do I trust myself? Am I confident? How often should I reaffirm myself? Do I let others know how valued they are? Do I still know how to cry or am I hardened by the many battles fought? Am I a sympathetic person? Am I actually making a concerted effort to be the best person that I can be? How many regrets do I have? Should I actually chalk it all up to experience as they say? In what ways can I improve myself? How often do I take time to just sigh, daydream or even dream?
After I have exhausted myself with these questions I skip across the grass, stand in the waterfall mouth filled with strawberries laugh and ask, have I just wasted all that time or was it worth? It was worth it. EVER SO OFTEN, it is a grand thing to reflect on ones life. Being in overdrive doesnt do one any good.
There are those times when we need to make decisions; times when we desperately search for answers; we ask friends, we consult with the experts. Sometimes all it really takes is a bit of introspection. All it takes is searching deep within ones heart or being for the answers, EVER SO OFTEN.
It all comes down to this, life is short. My friend, Ahmed reminded me of that yesterday when I promised him that I would help him with his project TOMORROW. He said, Tryce, who do you think you are? You cant promise me tomorrow because it isnt yours to give. Tell me that you will help me when you can, but please dont say tomorrow? I burst out, Eh, Ahmed, why you killing me off already! but in retrospect he was right. It doesnt make sense being a bad, evil or treacherous person or stressing or fretting over matters that we cant control because life is short. It makes senses to live life to the fullest. It makes sense to laugh as much as you can and dance whenever you can. It makes sense to bathe and dance in that imaginary waterfall as often as you can. Let everyday be a party. It makes sense to reflect Ever So Often on who you are and how you could become a better person.
