DEAR DIARY
JUST A THOUGHT!
By Mutryce A Williams BBA CTM
Dear Diary,
There has been a lot of political talk lately however I pray that people would take time out and focus on the needs of children like me. My faithful friend, my diary I need to talk to you today. I can't tell Mommy these things, so I will tell you and I will pretend that I am telling her. She is always so angry. Who knows maybe she would find you and read you and maybe she would change which would be really good. Just a thought that's all!
My name is John Target. I am a ten (10) year old good boy but Mommy continues to treat me really, really bad. I do not understand why. I love her but yet she continues to abuse me and curse at me. Is it the frustration of having to raise a man all by herself? Is it that she is scared that I would turn out just like him? She beats me horribly all the time as if she is beating me for all the pain that he has caused her. I am a constant reminder of him, as people say I am the splitting image of him. Does she love me? I dont seem to understand why she treats me this way, so I am putting down all my feelings on paper, as boys are not supposed to complain or cry. Dear Diary tell me what you think,maybe it is because she just hates all men now, and I will grow up to be a man, so she hates me, it is just a thought that' all.
Mommy, every time you curse at me, it just tears me away. It rips away at my soul. I have no sense of ME-NESS. Who am I anyway? Those words, amazing eh! When you see them on paper, a bunch of letters though they may be, cuts me right down to size and makes me feel like nothing. I have spent some time thinking about it and no matter how I twist or turn it. It remains the same. Mommy, I want you to change. Just a thought that's all!
Mommy, please don't curse at me. It is just that angry, venomous, harsh, willful sound of the f's and all the other letters. Don't you know how that makes me feel? I wonder! How does it make you feel? Do you feel powerful? Is it a stress reliever? Don't you know that bit-by-bit or piece-by-piece that you are destroying and perverting me? When does this everyday as it seems simple to you, abuse end? Could it end today? Let's turn over a new leaf today. I will behave. Wait just one second, but am I not well behaved? I will behave better. Let's see how that goes. Just a thought that's all!
I have toyed with the letters over and over again in my head. Imagine the difference, a letter makes. If you put a b in front of it becomes buck. If you put an l in front of it wow, it becomes luck. If you put a d in front of it, it becomes duck, so what is it about that one letter that makes the word so filthy and harsh, so weapon like. When you get angry with me, could you wish me luck instead or replace that letter with another letter. I think it would help a great deal. Do you? Would it really? Then again sometimes it is not what you say but how you say it. Just a thought that's all!
Can I curse at you? I mean just to show you how it feels. Like a sharp edged pierced knife you cut me. Like a wet whip you lash me over and over and over again with your tongue. I tried counting the bad words the other day and I couldnt keep track. Yesterday, you said two sentences to me and they were filled with bad words. Dont you know any more words, some nice ones at least? I have a dictionary we could find some together. What do you think? Just a thought that's all!
Mommy, can you just write them and stick them on the wall, and then when you want to say them you could just point. This is just a thought thats all. I can't take hearing the anger in your voice. I just don't want to hear the anger in your voice. Then again even if you point, the expression on your face is just as bad. The pointing thing, it is just a thought that's all.
Mommy, let me explain. My soul is wrenched and drenched. I am tired of constantly being subjected to your filthy, dirty mouth. I am tired of your wrath. Your mouth is a weapon and slowly but surely everyday you are eating away at me. Maybe they could use you against Al Queda because you are great torturer. Sorry, I guess I am out of my place. Just a thought that's all!
Mommy, I go to sleep not hearing a sweet lullaby but an angry voice. I wake up to the f's and the mother's. You are fattening me on those letters, giving me them for breakfast, lunch and dinner. What a healthy and nutritious diet you are feeding me! Tell would it make me strong? If you don't stop what do you think would become of me? Lets try it for a minute or two. Stopping the bad words I mean. Just a thought that's all!
I am full. I am obese, satiated to say the least. Mommy, please stop feeding me. Stop stuffing me. Can't you see what you are doing to me? You are killing me. Mommy please stop it, rise above the frustration and be a good Mommy. Just a thought that's all!
