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| Norma Ross |
Parenting is one of the most challenging jobs we face in our lives. A parent's job, at its core, is to mold the next generation and help them to become valued members of society. The behaviors we communicate to and model for them will often help determine their development.
For example, let's look at violence. If you turn on the TV, pick up the paper or magazine, violence is everywhere. From gangs in cities, to young kids in schools and small communities, to the issues of terrorism, we see violence in our everyday lives. Today, more than ever, violence is the hot topic.
Violence has many sources, roots and causes. Family, society, peer pressure, video games, TV and movies are the most widely recognized. But if we understand its roots we can make a difference and help to combat it. What we need to realize is that violence is an act of anger, aggression, frustration and tension. In essence, pent up feelings that are acted out in a various forms of violent behavior.
Everyone has feelings; anger, sadness, depression, and fear. What truly defines us as adults are the coping skills we demonstrate during these times of crisis. How we deal with the frustrations and curve balls in life are the behaviors we model for our children and the ones they will learn from, for better or for worse. We yell, cry, abuse ourselves, abuse others, and sometimes break physical objects, hit things and/or people, even desecrate public places,
On an extreme level people kill, and hurt others on a more horrific level such as blowing up a buildings, Sometimes we do nothing and internalize them pushing the feelings further into our unconscious. Unfortunately feelings can then manifest themselves in the form of illness and disease.
However, there are better ways to deal with these feelings that are healthy and more productive and constructive. Why not talk about them? Writing about them in a journal is a positive way to identify how we are feeling. Some people use exercise as a way to deal with their issues and to "de-stress."
So, how do we help as parents? How do parents play an integral role in our child's coping process? The answer is quite simple, by talking. Communication is a fundamental of part of parenting. If we can help teach our kids to feel comfortable communicating with us from an early age, they will carry that ability on with them through life. Effective communication is the best way to express their feelings and emotions and deal with them healthfully and productively. Communication prevents internalization of feelings which is the root cause of negative behavior and even worse aggressive or violent behavior.
We need to teach these principles to our children when they are young, so that they have every chance in life to succeed. All parents want their children to lead productive lives and to become responsible adults.
When we help our children to talk about feelings, stress, anxiety, anger, rejection, failure, and disappointment we are helping them. By communicating we can get them to talk about issues at school, being teased, doing poorly on an exam, and the most stressful situation is not fitting in. By talking we can help our children to get in touch with the feelings they have and ultimately manage them properly. By talking we can help them understand that life is never perfect and we all have to face disappointments no matter what stage of life we are at. Communicating feelings helps children understand the crime and violence that we all see on TV and in the media.
Television and the Media have an extreme influence on modeling behaviors. The bottom line is our kids can be happy, successful, and confident. It is our responsibility as parents to talk to them and empower them so can make the right choices and decisions in order to be successful. Encourage your children to be active in church activities, sports, music and hobbies. This will build self-esteem, confidence, character and individuality and then they will be less likely to engage in violence.
Parents need to encourage their children to share thoughts and feelings no matter what the situation. That way when a problem arises, they talk instead of using their fists and threats. We must create limits and boundaries by saying "yes" to what is reasonable and "no" to what is not reasonable from an early age. In conclusion, the opinions and beliefs of our children are influenced by their peers, the media, and television.
It is the job of the parent to help clarify the issues, put them in perspective and help children deal with their feelings so that they do not turn to violence.
This is a battle that parents can win.
Please check www.youcansayno.com for more information on communication. For residents of St Kitts, The Public library has 50 copies of You Can Say No and Your Child Will Still Love You which has more information on the basics of communication and modeling.
