that life just isn’t as simple as it looks
that everything can’t be confined to the mere principle of black and white…because there is after all grey…
By Mutryce A. Williams
We all have our ideals and if there is absolutely one self-evident truth that we proclaim to know; it is that, ‘Boy if that was me…I would or I would not have stood for that…’ We are quick to ‘cast judgment’ as old people like to say. We always seem to know what the other person should have or should not have done in a particular situation. We always know how much an individual should ‘stomach’ or in other words put up with. We strut around like proud peacocks and our glistening soap boxes are never too far out of reach. As soon as the opportunity presents itself we whip them out and say, “If I were in this or that situation or had that been me, I would have never or I would have definitely handled that situation differently. I don’t understand how he or she could…what he or she thinking...”
I compare this to watching someone else attempt a task. In our opinion the task may seem quite simple. We exclaim, “me arm is that easy thing she can’t do…strupes…that thing look so easy…just give me the thing let me show you how to do it see.” However when the time comes for us to try it, we say, ‘Oh me arm…I never know is so hard it was and it look so easy...well, well, well…this thing fool me boy.’ This was actually my perception of golf until I put club to hand and took my first swing. It is definitely not as easy as it looks. I used to watch it on the television and say, “Me arm, the hole just there and he couldn’t knock the ball in…what a poor swing.’
We even do this at Queen Shows. When the contestants forget their lines or fumble because of fright instead of empathizing with that person and chalk it up to a severe case of the nerves or what we refer to as stage fright, we exclaim, ‘a big woman like that gone up on the stage to forget she talent and go embarrass she self.’ This behaviour almost comes naturally. It is so easy for us to ‘suck’ our teeth when the ‘West Indies’ cricket team is not performing, but have we asked ourselves the question, ‘What if we were the ones at the crease? How would we have performed?’ I know, I know, as long as we were on that team there would be a guarantee that the West Indies team would rise again. It is so easy to judge. We can not simply comprehend why others take the decisions they do or why they perform the way in which they do.
I am saying all this to say that one may has his or her ideals, nothing is wrong with this. No one is asking you to compromise or ‘rest on your laurels’ however it may not necessarily be fair to judge others from where you stand, as opposed to where they stand. There is an old age that goes something like, “Walk a mile in my shoes, then you can judge me…” I prefer, “Walk a mile in my shoes, then let’s talk.” We are all not made up of the same fiber. Our circumstances are definitely not the same. Why judge? Wouldn’t it be much easier to lend a helping hand or ear or show some measure of support so that we may lessen that person’s burden rather than judge?
There are times when we pretend to look at things from the other person’s viewpoint but we always surmise by saying, “I could understand where she is coming from eh but papa that still couldn’t work with me…that would not have fly here at all…” The thing is it doesn’t have to work for you because ultimately it is not about you. It is about that other person. It is their decision whatever that decision may be. This is something that we fail to realize. There are times I ask Teslyn for advice and she would ask, ‘Why are you asking me what I would do? What does Tryce want to do? This is about you. You understand the situation best. You know what you are feeling, trust your instincts and make your decision. It would be unfair for me to tell you what I would do because that’s me. I am me and you are you.” I would shoot back, ‘you are the best friend that is your role that is what you are there for.’ She would gladly correct me by saying, ‘No, I am here to support you in whatever decision you make.’ In life we have to respect other people enough to let them make their own decisions. We should not TELL them how they ought to deal with a situation. We should not give the ‘If I were you speeches.’ Because you are not that person and you will never be that person. The fact remains that you are who you are and that person is who she or he is.
I think in life we ought to be a little more understanding. We ought to be less judgmental. The thing is we never actually know what or how we would handle a situation until we find ourselves in the exact or similar situation. Let’s step out of the box for a while, put on some lucid goggles for a second or two and try to see the other person’s viewpoint. Let’s close our eyes, whisper a prayer for that person and ask God’s guidance on their situation possibly saying, “God, grant Joan the strength to get through this period because had that been me I don’t know how I would have coped.’ I think that that is much better than, ‘If that were me, I would not have or I would have done!’ Because there comes a time in one’s life when he or she should be ….
MATURE ENOUGH TO KNOW…
that life just isn’t as simple as it looks
that everything can’t be confined to the mere principle of black and white…because there is after all grey.
