FOR BETTER OR WORSE
(Part l)
Marriage - A covenant, not a contract!
WHAT do we mean when we say these three words to a loved one? The typical wedding ceremony usually includes this phrase, whether we use traditional vows or we write our own. But what are we really committing to?
The divine institution of marriage is recorded in Genesis. “And Adam said, this is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.” (Genesis 2:23-24). God created man and then made woman out of “bone of his bone”. The process as recorded tells us that God took one of Adam’s “ribs” (Genesis 2:21-22). The Hebrew word literally means the side of a person. Therefore, marriage is not a contract that can be entered into and dissolved when difficulty arises, it is a covenant made to god. Marriage is the most sacred of covenants. In fact, the Hebrew word for marriage and the Hebrew word for holiness is the same word - kiddushin.
Marriage is the only covenant in the Bible that allows two people to be perfectly joined in all areas of life, from the physical to the spiritual. Where else but in marriage can we find such sacredness and dignity placed together?
So, where did we miss the mark? When did our society determine that marriage was easily disposed of and defiled? The Bible tells us that marriage is honorable and is to be held in high regard. Hebrews 13:4 states that it is indeed honorable and severe warnings are given to those who would undermine and spoil it, especially with adultery. But somewhere along the line we lost sight and gave up on this precious covenant. Our churches stopped praying for hurting marriages, our community has given us the divorce for “irreconcilable” differences as an easy way out. Society has endorsed sinful live styles by giving them names like “affairs”. It is ADULTERY, not an “affair”; sin is no “Party”. We condone them amongst ourselves claiming that men will be men, and go as far as even justifying them with “circumstances”. But there is none! Somewhere along the line, spouses have become entrapped to the enemy - Satan. “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” (John 10:10). Satan’s plan for the church and families is to divide, discourage and destroy. Satan wants to steal, kill and destroy every marriage and every family.
Today, we live in a world where we find excuses for the sins we commit against our marriages, God and our body. We make up excuses like, its difficult at home, my wife or my husband does not understand me, or when confronted we say the mighty “you can’t judge me” you don’t know my circumstances. But God does, He knows all, He see’s all.
The Bible tells us that what we do in the dark will be exposed in the light. Never forget, you do not sin in a vacuum. Sin is like the ripples on a pond when you toss a pebble on it. Those rings expand out slowly, but get larger and larger. Sin is the same way. Your sin eventually touches many lives. Even if you think you got away with it and nobody saw you, remember, God saw you. There is nothing you do He does not see, nothing you say He does not hear. Your sin is never a secret from God!
The John Edwards affair: John Edwards, the former North Carolina Senator, Presidential candidate, and the man who ran as Vice President in 2004 with John Kerry, admitted that he had committed adultery. We can use this as another sad example of how true the Bible is when it says in Numbers 32:23 that your “sin will find you out”. The Bible has much to say about secret sins, and how the sins we do in the dark will be exposed by the light.
We can only pray for John Edwards and his family as they go through this sad time - part of the consequences of his sin. We also need to pray for this woman he had the affair with and the child that became a byproduct of their adulterous affair. As in all sin, there are many, many peripheral lives that are being touched by Edward’s sin. They also need to be in our prayers. There are no winners from sin, only broken and destroyed lives.
What then is our need? Our marriages need to have an abundant flow of living water. There is no greater love that a man can have for a woman than that of loving her with the love of Christ. This love transcends all other loves and gives the Biblical marriage its true strength. So it is with the woman. While romantic love is certainly a part of marriage, it is not that kind of love that bonds the marriage in covenant. Only the love of Christ can do that.
In closing, there is one more picture to be seen. The ancient marriage covenant had two parts. They were called ‘kiddushin’ and ‘nissiun’. Kiddushin was the betrothal of the woman to the man. Today we call this the engagement period. For the ancients it had a much deeper spiritual significance. The woman was considered married but had not yet been taken to the husband’s home. This is the stage of marriage that the church is in with regard to Christ. Paul said, “For I am jealous for you with a godly jealousy; for I betrothed you to one husband, so that in Christ I might present you as a pure virgin.” (2 Corinthians 11:2). Paul was speaking as a Hebrew man, and had the ancient Hebrew marriage in view. For the Hebrew people, the completed marriage was called nissiun. Nissiun speaks of elevation, or the lifting up. This is where we get the ‘lifting of the veil’, and even the carrying of the bride over the threshold. For the church, the nissiun takes place at the second coming of Christ.
Jesus uses these two aspects of the ancient marriage in his sharing with the disciples in John 14, where He says, “In My father’s house are many dwelling places; if it were not so, I would have told you; for I go to prepare a place for you. If I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you to Myself, that where I am, there you may be also.” (John 14:2,3)
“So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore, what God has joined together, let man not separate.” (Matthew 19:6).
Yes, marriage is a covenant. Think about it.
Editor-in-Chief’s Note: FOR BETTER OR WORSE is the name of the above column, which will be published on a weekly basis, starting as of today with “Marriage - A covenant, not a contract!” The views expressed are not those of SKNVibes but of the author, who prefers to remain anonymous.
