By Carolyn Brownbill
Counsellor, Ministry of National Security

With today’s economic challenges, such as the introduction of new taxes and significant job loss, many persons may begin to feel overwhelmed and stressed.  These pressures may take their toll on families, who may find it difficult to manage all life’s demands.  What happens when Mommy and Daddy begin to fight because they are unable to deal with all of these stresses of life? The family suffers and the children begin to feel insecure or unloved. When family relationships become strained, how can family members work or study effectively, play together, or even feel spiritual and pray together?

The fact is that it can be a daunting task for families to remain functional in a hectic world, when time, energy, and finances are often in short supply. Families also come in different shapes and sizes, making it difficult to meet all the needs of its members. What may work for John may not work for Paul.  Therefore, it can become very stressful to satisfy everybody in the family without creating tension or confusion.

Nevertheless, the management and health of the family is the responsibility of the parents/guardians. They have to set values and ensure that everyone’s needs are met and that everyone is thriving. Since all the members of the family are important, staying targeted on health and happiness can be difficult.

Here are some common guidelines for a healthy family:

Be committed to your family!
Healthy families make the family a top priority. Therefore, the needs of the family and family members outweigh all other activities. The family comes first, then work, then social and civic responsibilities, etc. Families that function well do so because the members are committed to making it work well. Members see the family as being important and worthy of the time and effort it takes to maintain healthy relationships within it. They take time to communicate, share, and listen to each other, as well as to build and observe traditions. They make an effort to be patient even when another family member seems disrespectful, moody or angry.

Love and respect yourself and each other!
Every individual has a need to be loved and a right to be respected. It is important to show love, appreciation and respect as much as possible, both verbally and nonverbally, to yourself and to others. Saying “I love you” to a family member reaffirms that person’s position in the family. It tells them that, no matter what, they are loved and appreciated. Always express your love and respect to your family and let them know that they are important.

Communicate!
It is important that clear and consistent communication exists within the family. Clear communication demands awareness of self and the other, as well as mutual respect for each other’s dignity. Conversation among family members nurtures caring, empathic, open and trusting relationships. Establishing bonds also facilitates communication, as members are free to express their opinions, thoughts, wants, dreams, desires and feelings without fear of being slammed, shamed, belittled or dismissed. Sharing goals, dreams, and feelings can lead to greater understanding and cooperation among family members. A basic respect for one’s own views and those of others means that every member of the family, including the small child, is seen and heard.  This in turn makes the child feels safe enough to tell a parent when he is upset or angry, and teaches him/her to be more honest and direct when expressing his feelings.

Have family meetings!
Regular family meetings in an emotionally safe environment are important as they give individuals the opportunity to voice any comments or concerns, and iron out the day-to-day conflicts that normally occur when two or more people live together.  In families, conflicts almost always arise over issues such as discipline, finances, and household tasks. Actively resolving the conflict, at least temporarily, without a wrestling or screaming match, can happen in a family meeting.

Plan family time!
Apart from meetings, family time is very important. Eat meals together! Research has shown that children who eat meals with their families at the dinner table have healthier diets. Children communicate more with their parents when they have family meals. As a result, these children are better adjusted and are less likely to participate in risky behaviours. On the other hand, children who regularly watch TV during meals have less healthy diets, as do children who frequently eat out. Making dinner time a family event, even if the meal is simple healthy meal like a green salad and baked chicken, encourages a healthy attitude towards eating.

It is important for families to plan and organize activities together, have fun together and laugh together. Healthy and functional families laugh a lot. They have ‘inside’ jokes , favourite stories, and anecdotes of shared memories that delight and re-enforce a healthy bond.  Families can enjoy quality time when they exercise together or participate in family outings such as going to the beach, going on a hike, playing games, or having a barbecue.  Spending quality time together enhances the communication and the connectedness of the family.

Celebrate Individual Strengths!
In any healthy, functional family, differences are valued. The uniqueness of each person, as well as their individual skills and talents, are celebrated and nurtured. This helps to develop self-esteem and allows each member to see himself/herself in a special way within the family unit.

Instill strong moral and spiritual foundations!
While the term "spiritual" will have different meanings for various families, functional families find ways to cultivate strong spiritual and moral foundations. Even people who are not connected to organized religion can nurture a sense of the "spiritual" for their children.

Parents can also infuse moral principles by encouraging their children to join civic organizations, such as Boy Scouts, Girl Guides and similar groups. Such organizations stress moral qualities such as kindness, responsibility, courtesy, cooperation, respect for the environment and helping the less fortunate. Adults in healthy families not only encourage their children to participate in such organizations but often reinforce the importance of civic responsibility by volunteering in children’s, church, or community groups. 

Teach coping skills!
In strong families, parents use and model positive strategies to handle pressure. Managing conflict is a challenge that every family faces. Teaching healthy coping strategies helps to equip individuals with the skills needed to make wise choices.

Be balanced!
It is essential to balance activities to include work, rest and recreation in the proper proportions. Many people get carried away and do some things in excess (e.g working too much) while neglecting other important areas, such as family, church, and health.  Having a balance of healthy spirit, mind, body, family, finances and society helps most people feel and function at their best. Balance is the key to a healthy lifestyle, and a healthy life style is the key to a healthy family. Adopting a healthy lifestyle and teaching children and family members good habits from the start will help ensure a strong family. 

Building a healthy family can be challenging, especially in today's fast-paced world.  However, with today’s social ills, strong families are needed more than ever before. Making a commitment to a sound family life and displaying that commitment in word and deed can help ensure that we build not only healthy families, but a healthy nation as well.

"LifeLines is a monthly column dedicated to addressing issues of mental, behavioural, and social health. The column appears on the 1st weekend of the month, and is written by professionals in the field of social work, mental health, and community medicine".