By Carolyn Brownbill

Counsellor, Ministry of National Security, Foreign Affairs and Immigration

If you have read the last installment of “Lifelines”, by now you would have some ideas as to why young people join gangs. 

This article serves to inform you of some of the things we can do as a people in order to prevent our children from joining gangs.  Although the information is directed at parents remember that we are all our brother’s keeper, therefore the following could/should be adopted by every member of the community.  Let’s all lay the foundation in building the children of our belo ved Federation of St. Kitts and Nevis.

SOME BASIC THINGS WE CAN DO
It is important to have the right attitude.  Never ever think that gangs will automatically get to our children and that there isn’t anything that we can do.  It is absolutely important that we recognise that we all play a crucial role in keeping our children out of gangs. 

Far too often we hear the saying “example set example followed”.  This simply means that our children tend to emulate the things that we do. So let’s be good role models  so that our children can follow in our footsteps.  Do not abuse alcohol or other drugs. If at some point in time you have a problem with drugs, violence, or anything else that interferes with your family life, be sure to seek help. Always honour your word and expect your child to do the same. Improve your own self-esteem so that your children can model themselves after the most important "role model"... YOU.

Safeguard your child at all times.  Our children need to be protected and need to feel like they are under a protective umbrella that shelters them from the stormy weather they face in their lives.  Always ask your children questions about their life, taking into consideration the 3 W’s that can be helpful;"Three W's" - Where is your child?  What is he or she doing? Who is he or she with?

Be ACTIVELY involved in your child’s life.  Showing interest in your child’s school work, hobbies/interests, and friends simple translates to “I CARE”.  Get to know your child's friends and introduce yourself to parents of his/her friends.  Always work on building open and ongoing communication with your child.

As parents it is important to LISTEN without being quick to judge or criticise as this would create a barrier of communication. Make it clear that you love your child as he or she is.   Set aside time for positive family activities that will contribute to uniting family members.  Remember that it is important to monitor what your child watches and listens to, especially television shows, music, and movies that promote gangs or promote violence.  Motivate and encourage your child to spend time wisely studying, doing chores, or participating in extra-curricular activities.

Let’s give GOOD VALUES and RESPONSIBILITY a warm welcome back to our homes.  Emphasise strong family values, including respect and responsibility. Show by your example how much you value these traits. Be consistent about discipline. Hold your child answerable for his or her behavior.  Teach your child respect for authority.  Establish clear limits and rules and expect your child to follow them.

It is important for us to build children’s self-awareness from the start.  Let’s build their self esteem.  We need to support the child's goals and ideas, even if they differ from our own. We should at all times encourage them to make independent choices.  Assign chores that your child is old enough to do.  Let your child know that you expect good efforts and hard work in everything. 

Teach him/her that trying hard counts and be sure to praise positive behavior in their efforts as well as their achievements. It is important for us to set reasonable limits and follow through on them so that children learn how to handle limits.  Your child needs to feel a sense of belonging, so always try to include your child when making family decisions so they feel that their opinions and decisions count. Always try to express your feelings as clearly as you can and encourage your child to do the same.

Talk to your child about gangs.  Teach your child about gangs while he or she is still in primary school. Talk with your child about the dangers of gangs and the reasons people join them. Help your child learn that he or she has the inner strength to make the right choice.

However, if you discover your child is in a gang, try to talk calmly with your child, no matter how upset the possibility of gang membership makes you. Find out why he or she is in a gang. Avoid being quick to judge. Recognise that gang membership is not just the child's problem; it's the family's problem as well. 

Redefine the rules your child must follow and enforce them. Seek outside help if your child won't talk, is difficult to communicate with, or if you suspect he or she is lying.

Advise your children that they should not (1) associate with gang members or "wannabe/gonnabe" gang members; (2) identify or communicate with gangs; (3) hang out near or where gangs congregate; (4) wear gang-related clothing where gangs are known to gather or traverse; (5) attend any party or social event held by gangs; (6) use any kind of gang-related sign language; (7) write or practice writing gang names or graffiti on their books, papers, walls, clothes or any other place; (8) engage in negative activities; (although we cannot shelter children from all the "evils" of society, we can monitor their activities, associates and discuss the negatives and pitfalls of their relationships).

Help to give the message that GANGS WILL NOT BE TOLERATED!  Let’s save our nation’s children together.