“That’s me pickney!”
By Ron Daniel
I remember as a child every year where all the attention was paid to Mother’s Day and very little if any paid to Father’s Day. I vividly recall having to do two poems at church for Father’s Day because there were no other children willing to do the poem. While the church was always filled on Mother’s Day, there were people who refused to come to church on Father’s Day. However as time progressed I realised that I was one of a few that was fortunate enough to have a decent father. Most fathers are always missing in action when it comes to bearing any responsibility for raising a child. This article purports to highlight what makes the Nevisian mother so special while highlighting the love, sacrifice and devotion that personifies their commitment to ensuring their child is always well looked after.
The statistics show that while nuclear families have always been held up as the ideal family, the reality of the Caribbean situation is that most of the homes have been headed by single mothers. Nevis’ mothers whether they are a single mom or not, often have to fill multi-faceted roles. These roles are nicely enunciated in one of the wall posts of my Facebook friends. She says “I am a parent, cook, housekeeper, teacher, nurse, handy man, maid, security coordinator, supervisor, manager, secretary, nutritionist, caretaker, personal assistant, life coach, bookkeeper, laundry maid, taxi driver and a motivational speaker. I don't get holiday pay, sick pay, or days off. I am on call 24 hrs a day, 7 days a week. Now tell me YOUR job is harder than mine.” While various roles are listed, the list is by no means exhaustive for the Nevisian mother. However their love for their child trumps all and they do it all to ensure they produce the best offspring possible. As exacting as these various roles may be, all good Nevisian mothers wake up everyday, ready to perform them, because down the road they want to be able to proudly declare “that’s me pickney!”. It is their unbridled love that forces them to be everything to their children, to ensure their children are better off than they were down the road.
One cannot speak of the Nevisian mom and their love for their offspring without documenting the sacrifices they are willing to make. Often-times it is because of the performance of the various roles above that they become a “worse” employee, entrepreneur, friend, netball player, academic success or gym member, but that is a sacrifice they are willing to make. It is this abject selflessness that forces them to often leave themselves undone to ensure their children are alright. I was speaking to one mother just last week who commented that she would often neglect to pay her mortgage to make sure her child in university had food to eat. Another commented that they would gladly go hungry to ensure their child had food when they came home. They would refuse to change their soiled dress to ensure their child has textbooks and decide to eat crackers and water only in exchange for the assurance that their child had everything they needed for school. They are willing to give up their jobs so that they would attend to their sick child and are more than willing to jump in front of an oncoming bus in exchange for their child’s safety. Again they do this because at the end of the day ‘That’s dey Pickney.”
The Nevisian mother though is not only concerned with their pickney when things are all rosy, but also when things go bad. Whenever their child gets sick, they find themselves at the hospital. When their child is being mistreated by a spouse, they go and put their hands around them assuring them that they are there for them and everything is going to be alright. When their child gets into trouble with the law, it is they who go and try to find money for a lawyer. When their child gets pregnant as a teenager, they give them the support and let them know that they are there for them. If their child goes to jail, it is they who most frequently go to visit and carry their essentials while reminding them that they love them. When their child has a miscarriage they are always there to lend support. When their child meets hard financial times, they are also willing to stretch out their hands to help, even if they only have one dollar. They do all of this because at the end of the day, “it’s their pickney” and they want to make sure that they get them out of the bad times. They do not simply turn their backs like some fathers do. The Nevisian mother understands well that a mother in need is a mother in deed. Whether things are good or bad that’s their pickney and they won’t turn their backs on them.
The inexorability of the Nevisian mothers love is made even more real when it is juxtaposed against the fact that these same women often have to care for these children with no or little help from the father, the fact that women often make less money than men and the fact that some of these women are often abused and misused by their male partners. While fathers have traditionally been missing in action, the Nevisian mother is always present. When fathers often give the impression that they have more important things to do, there is nothing more important to the Nevisian mother than their pickney. In good times or in bad, no matter what the sacrifice, it is their pickney and they will do whatever it takes to ensure they make something of themselves. They perform any role they are called upon to perform at any time of the day, 365 days a year because at the end of the day, it’s their pickney. I am to hope that this Mother’s Day when mothers are showered with gifts of all kinds and all sorts, that the men wont just get jealous and vex but will be inspired to also take ownership of their pickney and to replicate the same sort of love and sacrifice that mothers do. Happy Mother’s Day!
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