BASSETERRE, St. Kitts - "Fathers, these children are yours,[ whether things are good or not so good with mommy, these children are yours and you need to be in their lives. When you are not there it makes children angry."
These were words of advice given to fathers by Pastor and Guidance Counsellor Donna Peets at the recently held Kuddles Nursery Graduation Ceremony.
Peets appealed to fathers not to provoke their children by not being there.
She then read a quote: "Being fully present is the best guarantee for a brighter future."
She said that in the absence of fathers, children develop low self-worth and low self-esteem.
The Guidance Counsellor explained what difficulties each gender may grow up having, but warned that not each child would be subject to such hardships.
"The boys will get angry and you see them for about a couple minutes and you say hello and rub their heads and then they are gone. They don't want to tell you that it makes them angry. It puts an anger in them that is dangerous and these boys would ask, 'Why daddy isn't here, why other people have their daddy and I don't have my daddy?' They cannot understand that, and so I want to commission fathers to be present.
"Boys, sometimes their identity get mixed up because daddy is not there and so they gravitate to a male figure because they are looking for that fatherly figure and they end up on the other side (gay). It's not that they want to be on that side, it is because they are looking for something that they did not have.”
With regards to the girls, Peets said that they might grow up not understanding what a good man is and may settle for just anyone.
"When girls don't have their fathers, it means that they don't have a clear picture of what a real man is suppose to be and so many times we find that our girls are settling for any fellow. You see them and you just want to know why that beautiful girl is with that hoodlum. And it is because she grew up in an atmosphere where no father was there and so she is settling for what looks like a man.”
Peets also called on parents to not involve their children in their personal issues, adding that there are things that children are not suppose to see and hear, as they could be adversely affected.
"As a Guidance Counsellor, one of the things that I have to deal with a lot in the schools, is where children are caught in the middle of the conflict between mommy and daddy.
"I want to remind you [parents] that it doesn't matter where the relationship is between mommy and daddy, just know that those children are yours and that those children, sometimes they don't need to hear certain things, sometimes they don't need to see certain things, because it affects them."
Peets reminded the parents that children learn from what they see and hear.
"Remember that they are learning from you and they go to school and they take it out on the other children. They act it out! So even with training, we have to model positive kinds of behaviour. We have to model positive attitude because they learn how to behave when they look at you."
