“Gyullll….ah see yuh man jus now…..he got some woman in de passenger seat. dey jus pass me goin up Fort Street…..yuh betta watch it….you gettin bite!!”. Hmm. How many of you have made such a phone call? Or better yet, how many of you have received such a phone call or message relaying similar sentiments? How many of you have been victims of otherpeoplechattingyoubusinessitis? Kinda hard to deal with isn’t it? Knowing that you can be living an honest life and still yet other people can find ways to erroneously report on innocent incidents in your life, or worse yet, completely fabricate instances in your life. Hopefully, this article will serve as a catalyst towards sensitizing all of us in our social lives, about the dire consequences of people who carry and transmit otherpeoplechattingyoubusinessitis.
It is true that we live in a small community. In fact, we like to say that everyone knows everyone in St. Kitts. Perhaps that might be a bit of an exaggeration but similarly to how on a global scale, everyone and everything is six or fewer steps away, by way of introduction, from any other person in the world, according to the Six Degrees of Separation theory, I think it is safe to say that in St. Kitts, this could be reduced to 1-2 degrees of separation. In other words, we kind of know everyone, some way, some how. This degree of closeness should be one of the many virtues that keeps communities strong, sharing similar values rooted deeply in cultures and norms that have been passed on from generation to generation. Unfortunately, this degree of closeness has consequences that been proven to be detrimental to our social interactions in our personal, and professional lives.
Its almost like living in a small house with a big family. If that family is built on love, tolerance and respect, then there will be a harmonious flow of interactions, with personal resolving to healthy and respectful ways of dealing with each other. If however, there are a few factions of dissent within the family, the harmonious flow will be disrupted, leading to bickering, gossiping, and other vices detrimental towards the positive progress of the family. The former example reflects an unrealistic utopian scenario, while the latter example reflects actual reality in our community today.
Now, if this family moved to a much bigger house, with more rooms, with more than 1 kitchen, bathroom, etc, then the chances for “drama” to exist will be greatly reduced. So we’ve established a bit of a foundation here. St. Kitts reflects the second example with the family in the small house, while the bigger house is analogous to larger communities with more exposure and greater number of options available to their inhabitants. There are several pro’s and con’s relating towards living in a small community but for the purpose of this article, I will only touch on the vices that result from otherpeoplechattingyoubusinessitis, specifically as it pertains to interpersonal & social relationships.
I’ve often asked the question (to myself), “why would someone make up something about me?” How is it that someone could 100% fabricate something about me, about an instance that has no factual relevance to whatever has been said? Okay. If someone says “oh…I saw him with a next woman in Miami”, and I happened to be in Miami, then of course, that is plausible, because I was actually in Miami. But if someone says “I saw him with a next woman in Miami”, and I was actually in China, then, it completely befuddles me, why people would fabricate information. Nonetheless, I’ve come to realize and accept that people will always chat, especially people carrying the otherpeoplechattingyoubusinessitis virus. And this acceptance has proven to being the first step towards living a normal, drama-free, anxious-free life here in St. Kitts. You see, I’ve developed both the vaccine and the antidote for otherpeoplechattingyoubusinessitis, at least for me. It just might work for you all but clinical tests have not yet been performed on others so I’ll say you should use this at your own risk.
The antidote/vaccine
1. If you’re in a relationship, you need to be as open as possible with your partner about your social life. Do not interpret this as you having to check in and give an account on your whereabouts. Instead, you keep things open because you’re eager to share your experiences with each other.
2. In relationships, friends of the opposite sex should all have a name. And also, the phrases “down de road” and “up de road” should not always replace your destination, once you know where you’re going. In other words, instead of saying “I going down de road wit a friend”, it could be “Joe called me and needed someone to talk to. We’ll meet up at the independence square…I should not be too long”
3. If someone comes to you and says “I see such-and-such in so-and-so car…I sure somebody getting bite”, do not encourage the conversation further. At the end of the day, if it was you getting in your friends car, would you want someone to prematurely jump to conclusions about you? So think twice before perpetuating the same instances that you would scoff at, should they be related to you.
4. If someone says anything to you about your partner behaving in an inappropriate manner, you should act ONLY on verifiable facts, as opposed to premature inferences. You should also share what you’re hearing with your partner.
There you have it! If you’re open with your partner about your social life, then technically speaking, there shouldn’t be anything that anyone can say to your partner that he/she doesn’t already know! If your friends of the opposite sex have names, then again, there’s nothing that anyone can say to your partner that he/she doesn’t already know. If you are open about your whereabouts, then again, there is nothing that anyone can say to your partner that he/she doesn’t already know. If you choose not to encourage premature inferences from others in your social circle, then you’re doing YOUR part to stop the spread of the otherpeoplechattingyoubusinessitis virus. What goes around, does come around (that’s how viruses are spread)!! And finally, if you do hear something about your partner that does not reflect who they’ve shown you to be, then you need to keep your eyes and ears open and watch for subtle changes in your partner that might be indicative of something that needs to be talked through together.
Remember, just because we are small does not mean we cannot stop the spreading of otherpeoplechattingyoubusinessitis. We have a possible antidote and vaccine for both infected persons and persons who are likely to be infected. It can be used for both your personal and professional life. In all seriousness, we should all be more responsible and try not to perpetuate information that cannot be backed up by fact. It destroys interpersonal & social relationships. Additionally, we need to properly learn how to filter what comes into our ears.
Just as there are several persons in jail for crimes they never committed, there have been several relationships that have been completely destroyed as a result of fabrications of incidents that never existed. While we owe it to our partners to give them the benefit of the doubt, and to also exercise the 4 points outlined earlier in this article, we have to accept that not everyone will be able to do this easily, due to insecurities, personality traits, and much more. So we should all be responsible and accountable for speaking and spreading only facts and the truth. Its never too late to start, nor is it too late to fix the damage that has been caused as a result of otherpeoplechattingyoubusinessitis.
Final Words of wisdom, a reiteration somewhat
It is foolhardy to vehemently believe, profess and spread anything that you have not been able to verify as being factual. Just listen in to any one of the popular radio local radio shows where people are given the opportunity to voice and air their opinions and you will hear just how everyone seems to be extremely passionate about their contributions, albeit some being completely unsubstantiated by verifiable facts. This is actually dangerous; that is, to believe something so passionately without doing your due diligence to verify what you have heard. It is dangerous because we do not live in a utopian world where everyone thinks twice before accepting something as being the truth. This has lead to destroyed relationships, destroyed reputations, employment termination, and in some cases, physical harm and death.
You are NOT responsible for what people say to you. You are however, responsible for your own interpretation and your response following what you’ve heard. When you develop the habit of taking time to verify anything of relevant importance to you or to anyone, to be factual, you stop giving other people, who seemingly know nothing about you, the power to control your life and everything that happens in it. Once others around you know that you will always be objective and respectfully challenge questionable statements & rumors, then in time, your social circle will know not to come to you with any “stchupitness”. That my friends, is how you can do your part to stop the spreading of otherpeoplechattingyoubusinessitis.
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This article was posted in its entirety as received by SKNVibes.com. This media house does not correct any spelling or grammatical error within press releases and commentaries. The views expressed therein are not necessarily those of SKNVibes.com, its sponsors or advertisers
